


Logan Is Berry Done

by sonicrainicorn



Series: Berry Done AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Parent Logic | Logan Sanders, Parent Morality | Patton Sanders, Uncle Thomas Sanders, alcohol mention, logan hates being responsible, virgil and roman are twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 07:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17556416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicrainicorn/pseuds/sonicrainicorn
Summary: This was originally written for a writing contest on Tumblr under this prompt:Patton: Loooooogaaaan! Logy-loo! I just learned a science. Wanna hear?Logan: ...Patton, are you drunk?Patton: I juuust learned that men have milk-glands and can breast feed if their nipples are sucked on for a few weeks!Logan: Okay so why was that so important to call me-?Patton: So when we have a kid, we're both pitching in, milk boy~! My cartgan of log-milk~!Patton: ....Logaaaaan? You still there?Logan: *screaming into a pillow*





	Logan Is Berry Done

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt is from @sides-of-quotes on Tumblr!

Logan was not one for parties. He tried to stay away from them as often as possible in order to avoid…  _humans_. Humans were icky, complicated things with too much to share or too little personal space -- especially at a party. They were weird and Logan wanted to avoid them as often as possible.

The one time Logan was glad to have been dragged to a party was several years ago. He had just turned nineteen so his brother, Thomas, thought it would be a great idea to invite him to his first “grown-up party”. Logan tried to refuse. He spent days trying to get Thomas to take somebody else, but Thomas persisted. He wanted Logan to be with him (out of all other possible candidates).

Reluctantly, Logan ended up going.

At the time it seemed terrible. There were so many strangers at various levels of drunk. Logan didn’t touch any drinks no matter how many times it was offered to him; he saw no reason to. Most of the night he stayed by Thomas’s side while the other talked with friends about random topics. He did, however, leave to find the bathroom as a temporary means of escape from all the noise.

The party was rather crowded and Logan found himself having to squeeze between people in order to move around. After reaching the inside, he ended up tripping over something (someone?), but instead of falling to the ground, he crashed into a person.

“Whoa, you okay, buddy?”

Logan flushed. This stranger had caught his fall. “S-sorry.” He pulled himself together, but his hands lingered a second or two on the charming stranger’s arms. “I suppose I didn’t see where I was going.”

The stranger chuckled. “It’s no problem.” The next words he spoke changed both of their lives forever. “Well, since you just fell for me you should probably know my name, at least. I’m Patton.”

Several text messages, a risky question, and many dates later, the two ended up married. (Logan was the one to propose). Their wedding was the only other party Logan was glad to attend.

The two were more than happy to spend the rest of their lives together. They wouldn’t want it any other way.

Over the course of their marriage, Logan had tried his hardest to avoid going to any parties they happened to be invited to. Most of the time he ended up going due to Patton rivaling his stubbornness, but they never stayed long. Patton knew how Logan felt about human interaction. Logan would never admit it, but he fell a little more in love with Patton whenever he recognized he couldn’t stand to be in public anymore.

Unfortunately, Patton knew a lot of people which meant he got invited to parties rather often. Christmas parties, birthday parties, Halloween parties... Any date that was capable of celebrating Patton got an invitation to. He was too sociable and cute. People were just  _compelled_  to show that they appreciated his friendship the only way they knew how.

And Logan loathed it.

There wasn’t a reason that should be the social norm. There were other ways to say, “hey I like you as a person”. Flowers, maybe. There were certain flowers that meant friendship. A letter was also a good one. It would last longer and something that’s handwritten holds more sentiment. Anything but a stupid party.

For all these thoughts Logan was never mad at Patton for coming home with another invitation; a little peeved, sure, but never mad. He knew it was almost unheard of to deny an invitation simply because someone didn’t want to go. It wasn’t Patton’s fault that Logan preferred to stay away from any type of interaction.

Logan also knew that it was pretty much expected that the invitee should bring their significant other (or even their children). Which was why he was surprised when Patton told him he didn’t need to go to this one.

“I’m certainly not complaining,” was Logan’s response. “But may I know why?”

“It’s only a housewarming party for Alec.” Patton shrugged. “Since you hate being out of the house for long periods of time then why take you to a party that you wouldn’t consider important?”

Logan furrowed his brows. He thought he had met all of Patton’s coworkers by now. “Who’s Alec?”

“That’s another reason.”

So, Logan saw Patton off at around two in the afternoon. There were only a handful of times Patton had gone to a party by himself -- for legitimate reasons such as Logan being sick -- so Logan couldn’t predict when he would be home. While together, they’d leave a party an hour or two after arriving. Maybe three if Logan was feeling particularly sociable. Who knew how long Patton would decide to stay without Logan there like a phone battery losing charge.

That didn’t matter much, though. As long as it wasn’t an unreasonable hour and Patton was safe, that was all that mattered to Logan.

But by nine o’clock, however, Logan couldn’t help but wonder. He had never known for Patton to stay out this long before. He always made sure to be back in time to tuck the kids into bed. It was a little past that time now and Patton hadn’t even called. Patton always called. Even if it was for something little. He wanted things to run smoothly whenever he was away from the house for a significant amount of time.

So where was he now?

“When is Dad coming home?”

The sound of his son’s tired voice pulled Logan out of his worrying. He stopped pacing to face the twins waiting on the couch. They were both very tired but refused to sleep without their dad saying goodnight to them.

“I don’t know,” Logan responded. He noticed Virgil’s head snap up after drooping for a few minutes. “Are you sure you two don’t want to go to bed? Your dad could be out for a while.”

“No,” Roman whined. “I refuse.”

“Me too,” Virgil yawned.

Logan refrained from rolling his eyes. Their stubbornness was learned from somewhere, after all.

He sat down on the couch between them, deciding that his pacing wasn’t getting very far. He had called Patton twice but received no answer. It was both worrying and annoying at the same time. Why would Patton decide now of all times to be carefree?

Virgil rest his head on Logan’s arm as he began to drift off again. Roman didn’t seem like he was going to go down any time soon, but his father could tell that he was fighting to keep his eyes open. Maybe all three of them would end up falling asleep on the couch waiting for Patton.

The twins jumped when Logan’s phone started ringing. It was the stupid Spongebob Squarepants theme song -- Patton’s ringtone.

Logan answered with the full intent of berating Patton on his carelessness.

“ _Woah, hey, Lo. Logan. LoLo. Logi-bear. My precious little bumblebee,”_ Patton snorted _. “I just fu… I just.”_ He laughed again _. “I jus’ learned a science. Wanna hear?"_

“You just…?” Logan was beyond confused. “Patton, are you drunk?”

“ _I ju-ust learned that men have milk-glands and can breastfeed if their nipples are sucked on for a few weeks!”_

Logan didn’t want to know where Patton learned that. “Okay, so why was that the most important thing for you to call me for?”

_“S-so when we have a kid --”_

“We currently have two.”

“ _\-- we’re both pitching in, milk boy. My cartgan of log-milk._ ” Patton started giggling to himself.

Logan’s first instinct was to walk into another room and scream, but with both of his sons gazing at him in confusion he felt as if that wasn’t the best idea. What he ended up doing was putting a hand over his eyes and letting a pensive sigh out through his nose.

At a lack of a verbal response, Patton spoke up in a cheerful sing-song voice,  _“Logan? You still there?"_

To avoid  _actually_  screaming Logan hung up on him. He placed his elbows on his knees and pressed his phone to his forehead. There were no words for what he had just experienced.

“What happened?” Roman asked.

“Your father is an idiot,” Logan replied, his tone a mixture of exasperation and embarrassment.

He straightened out to dial another contact on his phone. There were several rings before the other side picked up.

“ _Hey, little bro!"_  The voice was cheerier than usual.

Oh God. “Thomas, are you drunk too?” Logan ran a hand through his hair. “I thought you said you would be the designated driver if it came down to it.”

“ _I said that?"_  Thomas sounded genuinely confused. “ _Oh, oops_.”

“ _Hey, is that Logan?_ ” Patton’s voice shouted in the background. “ _Ask him why he hung up on me!  Why would you do that to me, Logy-loo?"_

“ _Patton said -_ -”

“I know.” Logan sighed. “I know.”

“ _Wow. I have the smartest little brother in the whole world_.”

“I’m hanging up on you now.”

Logan groaned and fell back against the couch. Once -- just  _once_  -- he wanted to not be the responsible one. Patton and Thomas were adults, too. They should be able to recognize that one of them would need to be sober in order to drive home. Now Logan was going to have to pick them up and leave Thomas’s car there. How annoying.

“Who wants to come with me to pick up your father and Uncle Thomas?”

And if you thought Logan wasn’t petty enough to show the whole party how Patton left his two ten-year-olds waiting in their pajamas to be tucked in, then you would be wrong.


End file.
